Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Loose Ends

“Climbing a mountain in darkness
Stranded alone on the ledge.
Every attempt that I make to hold on
Pushes me nearer the edge.

Sensing the changes impending
My thoughts are diffused by despair
I feel like I'm swimming straight up underwater
Desperately racing for air. I'm racing for air.

And the chords struck at birth grow more distant
Yet, we strike them again and again.
And we plead and we pray for a glimmer of day
As the night folds its wings and descends
Exposing the loose ends.

Surrounding myself with possessions
I surely have more than I need
I don't know if this is justice, hard earned,
Or simply a matter of greed. A matter of greed.”
"Loose Ends" - D.Fogelberg

The story goes that Dan Fogelberg was having a horrible bout of writer’s block and the song that broke it was “Loose Ends”.  This song has been roaming in and out of my mind for months.  Months.  Months and months.  It describes my tenuous grasp on who I am.  Everything is overwhelming, sleep is a luxury, food is medicinal and my muse is absent.

Maybe it’s the oppressive heat.  Maybe it’s Mercury.  Maybe it’s the job.  Maybe it’s my burned to a crisp garden.  Maybe it’s my messy house.  Maybe it’s the grind.  Maybe it’s the change.  Maybe it’s my husband’s incompatible work schedule.  Maybe it’s the political climate.  Maybe it’s what stares back at me from the mirror.  Maybe it’s what doesn’t. 

Somewhere between fear and flight is a hairline crack.  I hope enough moonlight can find its way through.

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